As a revert of 4 years I was happy and quite satisfied with myself that I had adopted the scarf and Jilbab. After all, it was a big move for me. Though I had always seen and been mystified by sisters who cover their faces, I didn't feel the calling towards that. I always believed that was another dimension of Islam that was not for me.
In my heart I believed fully that Veiling was mandatory upon Muslimahs, but how was I to get myself to that point? What would my family and coworkers say? As I questioned and reasoned myself on all the reasons why I shouldn't veil fully, I never once thought about how I am making Allah feel. Was I so self-confident that I no longer needed or trusted Allah to make things easy on me?
Had he not helped me when I broke the news of my embracing Islam to my family? Had He not been there for me when I walked through that door for the very first time with my scarf and Jilbab on, much to the horrified look on my family, co-workers and neighbors? Who had comforted me when I heard the whispers and the audible silence whenever I walked into a room? Subhanallah, its always been Allah!! So what was I afraid of??? What could be done to me that He could not undo?? Absolutely nothing!
I began up to two days ago just veiling part-time. I work as a Nursing Assistant and working with patients, I always felt it would be impossible to do such hard work with my face all covered up. So, I'd cover my face to go to work and then I'd remove it once I got to work, Asturghfillah! What was the point in covering in the first place?!? Again, here is the old self-reliance resurfacing once again.
Two nights ago I made Daua asking Allah to guide me in my decision to veil fully all the time. To give me the courage and voice I needed to let my supervisor at work know that I would be covering my face at work as well. I began perusing the web and came upon Sr. Saajidah's Website on fully veiling. I can't explain it, but I was comforted by reading the experiences and I didn't feel alone. I knew from reading the experiences that somewhere out there other sisters were doing their best to commit themselves to covering fully at all times.
I can't remember where I also read that Sr. Saajidah's daughter would cover her face when out and about with her. Mashallah!! If this young girl (I believe she was 8) could do this for the sake of Allah, at her tender age, why can't I do this full time and I'm way older than she is? Subhanallah! I no longer needed to think about it. So, I'm very proud to say that I have begun veiling properly fully full time. I'm no longer a part-time proper hijaabi as I use to describe myself so proudly, Asturghfillah!
Now mind you, I'm still working as a Nursing Assistant and its not easy donning proper hijaab with all the lifting, bending and running around I do, but, Alhumdililah, I am able to retreat to the bathroom where in my own privacy I can take the proper hijaab off and wash my face with cool water. I do cover my eyes completely but when I need to write my notes on the patient charts, I am able to discreetly raise the eye cover just enough to see that I am writing things correctly. I also wear gloves and that to me is the easiest part, because I don't do any intricate delicate stuff like putting an IV or giving shots.
After I'm done working on a patient, I excuse myself to the bathroom where I remove my gloves (both the latex and the ones for my hands) and I wash my hands really good. So what if I suffer a little? If it's all for the sake of Allah, then may He be pleased with it!
I hope this will inspire other sisters who have been thinking of veiling properly to make Dua to Allah and take to heart the responsibility we have to our husbands, children, family, Ummah and most importantly, Allah, and begin to veil properly all the time, for the pleasure of Him that is most merciful and kind.
Your Sister In Islam,