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Ya Allah, What About My Parents ?


This is an issue that many new shahadahs face with trepidation and fear after submitting to Allah swt. Facing your family in general can be a very tedious task for you to take on, especially if you come from a family that is so strong in their own deen (religion). But now that Allah swt has bestowed His swt favor upon you to come to Islam, you are obligated to show the beauty and light of Islam to those around you. There is a saying that states "Charity starts in the home". Take that into account.

When I came to Islam, I automatically jumped into everything. After telling my parents that I became Muslim, the next day I went out and bought my khimars and jilbabs (over garment) and even began to wear proper hijaab (face veil). I think that is partially how I threw them off. An imam had advised me that me jumping into my long clothes and even proper hijaab was too much for them to handle , I didn't think one moment about how they felt because I was practically slapping them in the face with Islam and didn't give them time to adjust to the whole thing. My father told me that only married Muslim women wore these clothes and that I should take everything "in modesty". Little did he know that this IS modesty. I am sorry that I hit them so hard, but I don't necessarily regret it. I was eager to start off my deen on the right foot. It is the obligation of the Muslim to take care of their parents as they get older. It is the LEAST we can do for them raising us, even if they weren't Muslim. They technically prepared you for releasing you to Allah swt, but they don't know that, and Allah knows best. Qur'an is very clear and concise on how we should handle our parents, even if they are not Muslim:

23. Thy Lord has commanded that ye worship none but HIM, and that ye show kindness to parents. If one or both of them attain old age with thee, never say to them as much as ugh nor reproach them, but always address them with kindly speech. Surah Al-Israa

In other words, do not insult them in their age of wisdom or intelligence. Respect them as you did when they were young into when they are old. We as humans have a nasty habit of emotionally and physically dismissing our parents as soon as we see a gray hair in their head. You should be respecting them even more now and say praise to Allah swt that they brought you into the world with His swt PERMISSION and Will so that you may be guided to Islam.

8.And WE have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; but if they contend with thee to make thee associate that with ME of which thou hast no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto ME is your return, and I shall inform you of what you did. Surah Al-Ankabut

15. And if they contend with thee to make thee set up equals with ME concerning which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not, but be a kind companion to them in worldly affairs, and in spiritual matters follow the way of him who turns to ME. Then unto ME will be your return and I shall inform you of what you used to do. Surah Luqman

Glory to God! These two ayat specifically talks to reverts. You are to obey, respect, and treat your parents kindly and fairly at all times......UNLESS they tell you to associate partners with Allah swt by going to another religion, praying to someone other than the only One worthy to be praised, or to abandon your deen.

14. And we have enjoined on man to be good to his parents -his mother bears him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning takes two years - and said, `Give thanks to ME and thy parents. Unto ME is the final return. Surah Luqman

As I have pointed out in the article Issues You Will Tackle as a Muslim, women especially mothers are highly revered in Islam. They give birth to not only the ummah (community), but to mankind as a whole. So why is it that we disgrace them in the worst of ways? As this ayah states, she bears us in weakness to weakness, meaning she carried us for nine months in weakness and hardship and gave birth to us in weakness and hardship, and she carries us on her breasts for two years, neutering us in every possible way and giving her life for us. Give thanks to Allah swt and to her.

When you decide to approach your parents about your being Muslim, make sure that you are not catching them at a moment where they are under stress already. Sit them down and break it to them easily. Tell them why you chose Islam and that they did not do anything wrong for you to make this decision in your life. I say this because I find that one of the possible reactions they could have is guilt, feeling that they did something wrong or raised you wrong and caused your turn to Islam. My parents regret sending me away to college, feeling it is because of that that I decided to become Muslim. Tell them that you appreciate them for their raising you so that you would be prepared to come back to Allah swt. It is so important to show your appreciation towards them in this time so that you eliminate feelings of guilt or resentment that they may feel towards themselves or even you. If they ask you why, do not get too emotional about it. Keep a leveled and focus head about it all.

Although I know finding yourself in Islam is an emotional experience to encounter, explain the legitimacy and logic that you have found behind Islam. Reaching the equilibrium as a Muslim comes from accepting, applying and witnessing the truth in Islam and THEN you feel the overwhelming attachment and fierce closeness to your deen. It is a time when you feel your taqwa (God-consciousness) take control and lead u. You begin to fear Allah swt and love His Messenger (peace be upon him) more than you love yourself. This love and fear will come with time and is only witnessed by others around you through your actions. Which leads me to my next point. If your parents "overreact", try hard not to react to their overreaction. Remain calm and let Allah swt handle the situation, but as it says in Qur'an:

6. And the true servants of the Gracious God are those who walk on the earth humbly and when the ignorant address them, they avoid them gracefully by saying, `Peace !' Surah Al-Furqan

Remember this ayah WELL, because you will Insha'Allah encounter many ignorant people that "stick their fingers in their ears" and ignore and shun Islam. If your parents curse you, or say bad things about your deen, just say "peace" and walk away. There is no need for you to sit there and be insulted. Do NOT fight with your parents, show them how Islam has changed you by demonstrating this ayah. I am not going to lie, but it was terribly hard for me to sit there and listen to all these accusations my mother threw at me about Islam. Unfortunately, may Allah swt forgive me, I reacted along with her. I couldn't understand how she could feel this way about Islam and me after seeing how it stopped me from doing all the things I did before. Why couldn't she just thank God and say "at least she is not into all the things she was in before"? The answer took me a long time to figure out but I realized that everyone has to actually SEE how Islam changes lives. Nothing convinces a person more than their actions.

So to conclude this, the best way for you to show your parents or anyone else Islam, is in your actions. Show them that you rely on Allah swt no matter what situation comes in your way. They can curse you, fight you or do anything in the world to you, but Allah swt is your Protector and will never put more on you than you can bear. May the Peace, Mercy and Love of Allah swt guide and keep you on the straight path that He has most graciously shown to you.......Ameen!


Her parents are threatening to hit her if she covers her face

I am a Moslem girl from XXX , I wear Hijaab (cover my hear) ,, I believe that I have to cover my face but my mother and father think that Hijaab is to cover my hear only I tried my best to convince them but no use. my mother threaten me to hit if I ever mention it again , I don't know what to do ,, I am in bad need for any advice.

Praise be to Allah.

Know that wearing hijaab is a duty for women ( compulsory and a must ) , and it is not optional ,, Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “… and to draw their veils all over Juyubihinna (i.e., their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms, etc.)…” [al-Noor 24:31] and: “… and do not display yourselves like that of the times of ignorance…” [al-Ahzaab 33:33]

Know that the complete hijaab which you want to observ is very good and so you should thank Allah for it and ask him to make you steadfast ,, Be steadfast and Allah will strengthen your heart.

What your mother has told you about hijaab ( meaning to cover the hair only ) is not correct ,, A woman’s beauty is in her face, not only in her hair, and Allah has commanded that her beauty should be covered, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): “… and not to reveal their adornment [beauty]…” [al-Noor 24:31]. The focal point of beauty is the face, so it must be covered, according to the most correct view among the scholars.

Know that Allah is testing you by means of your mother to see whether you will obey Him or her.

You have to advise your mother in a number of ways, including the following:

Speaking to her directly, or giving her a tape by one of the scholars which clearly outlines the ruling on hijaab, or giving her a book on this topic ,, Or you could call one of the sheikhs on the phone and ask your mother to listen to his answer ,, or take your mother to an Islamic lecture where the correct ruling on this issue will be discussed – or some other means.

With patience, keep hammering the point and pray to Allah to open her heart at the times when du’aa’s are answered, you will get results InshaAllaah.

If your mother does not respond, then you do not have to obey her in this particular matter, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Obedience is only in matters that are right and good.” And there is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience to the Creator. At the same time, you have to be kind and respectful towards her, because Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our Paths (i.e., Allah's Religion – Islamic Monotheism). And verily, Allah is with the Muhsinoon (good doers).” [al—‘Ankaboot 29:69] and: “O you who believe! Endure and be more patient (than your enemy), and guard your territory by stationing army units permanently at the places from which the enemy can attack you, and fear Allah, so that you may be successful.” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:200].

And Allah is the True Guide, there is no god besides Him.