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Helping The New Proper Hijaabi

 

 

A few days ago, there was an exchange of correspondence at a Sisters Group to which I feel honoured to belong.

 

A sister wrote in saying she was thinking of starting to wear the face veil......... But I won't spoil the pleasure I hope you get from reading her letter and the replies she received back within hours. I believe that this not only shows the closeness of proper hijaabis but also the fact that we are willing to help our sisters.

Insha'Allah, this exchange of correspondence will also help sisters who are new to proper hijaab or who are thinking of adopting it.

I would finally like to thank all the Sisters contributing to this correspondence for their permission to reproduce their letters on this page.

Amina H

Ramadhaan 1420.

 

THE QUESTION:

Assalaam-0-Alaikum,

Thank you, for mailing me back. I have been thinking about wearing the face veil too. But, I am kind of afraid to wear it. Maybe not afraid but don't know how I would be treated with it on and I do not know how to wear it. Please help me. And give me more insight on it and more help it Islam Please, Sisters I need help. I am 35 years old. and mother of 5 kids. Plus I have grand children. I am trying to wear Islamic clothes. But, I can make them and I have a daughter that is 11yrs. When do she start covering too.

 

See I am Full of questions.

So Sisters can you help me.

Wa-salaam, Sister A

THE REPLIES:

Assalaamu Alaikum, Sister

I have starting wearing proper hijaab only in the past month or so. I started with a half niqab, leaving my eyes exposed, but I don't like the way it creeps up under my eyes.. Now I cover my eyes too, wearing the Saudi-style proper hijaab which I ordered from a sister here. (I love it!)

Also, I didn't like that people could see my eyes---they are a really light blue, and I think that made people wonder and stare too much trying to figure out where I was from. (A blue-eyed Muslim???)

Even all covered I have nice experiences--like the other day. I went to a new grocery store. Several ladies actually smiled at me, and a little boy looked right at me and said that he and his brother liked how I was "all covered up".

The main thing is that I am starting gradually. I don't wear proper hijaab at work because my job requires patient contact (I'm a labor and delivery nurse).

Also, at work I have never had a patient's husband or male visitor make an unwanted remark or look. On the other hand, I started wearing proper hijaab because of all the muslim brothers who kept staring at me. (---yes, Sister K, I met you at the 14th St Bazaar...and after that experience feeling like I was in a meat market I started wearing proper hijaab.)

Wearing hijab was easy--I started wearing it the day I took my shahada, but for me wearing proper hijaab is gradual. Inshallah, sister, you will find out what is best for you..

D


Mashallah! Thank you for sharing with us D! I can relate with you about the light-blue eyes. I don't wear the half-proper hijaab anymore either because the elastic tends to put pressure on my face and around my ears and I feel constricted.

I however, switched to the headband proper hijaab. I don't wear the eye cover though. However, if I feel I need to I wouldn't hesitate. I almost rarely leave my house without my husband therefore I have almost zero eye-contact with men. When shopping, he handles the inquiries for men and I deal with the women. (In all honesty, you can practically count the times I leave my house in a month on one hand-and usually half of that time is to the masjid .

I wanted to share with you all a couple of pleasant experiences I have had lately.

I have been back in my home town for a little more than a month, as many of you know I recently returned to F from M. I shared with everyone here that my daughter and I are almost the only ones in proper hijaab where we are living. There are a few sisters from Saudia that wear the proper hijaab but they do not speak any English so are unable to share daleel with most of the sister here. ( We have many American sisters in our Masjid).

Upon returning here to my home town (where I made my shahada) I was worried about what my Muslim friends would say or how they would react to me as a proper hijaabi. None of them wore proper hijaab and I never heard them express any interest in doing so. Alhamdulillah everyone has been so kind! Mashallah! I really love all my sisters Alhamdulillah!

What I want to share with everyone is that in the past month I have had 4 different sisters approach me quietly, and share with me their interests in proper hijaab! Alhamdulillah!

One sister, a truly good friend of mine mashallah, was one of the first sisters I met when I came to this wonderful deen. (She is also the sister I ran into the grocery store I already told you about previously). She expressed to me that deep down she feels that the next step for her is to cover her face however she has many of the same fears that we all have in the beginning. After talking a while she asked me if I would bring her a proper hijaab yesterday to the masjid. (Of course I took her a few) Please make duah for her and I hope to inshallah have her join us here very soon!

Another sister also confided in me that she has experimented a few times with the proper hijaab and felt really at ease while wearing it. The same thing though is that her fears are that she is worried about other reactions from her Muslim sisters here. Alhamdulillah, she has expressed to me that now that I am here and wear proper hijaab it makes her feel brave enough to consider doing so as well!

I have shared with many sisters here the wonderful pamphlets and newsletters created by many of the members here and articles and other various resources online as well, and have found them all to be a tremendous help in informing and sharing with others! Alhamdulillah! Keep up the good work everyone!!

And I would like to personally take the time to thank (Allah first of course) Alhamdulillah, and everyone here for your contributions and sistership! It really means a lot to myself and others as well. Jazakhallah Khair!!!

Love,N


Assalaamu Alaikum Sister A,

Welcome and thank you for joining us!

I can sympathize with you fearing how others will treat you when wearing the face veil. I had the same fears myself. I even worried how my Muslim friends would react to me wearing proper hijaab. Al hamdulillah they have all been comfortable with it and I haven't had any negative reactions from them :)

Actually I have had several lately come to me and inquire more about it and tell me that they are interested in wearing proper hijaab.

As far as the non-Muslims I have had pretty much the same reaction as I got from just wearing the head scarf. Mostly people stare but no more than they used to without the face veil. Actually I find that people usually glance and turn away quicker. When they look they really don't see anything. I feel like I have more privacy. It seems for me that they were bolder when they could see my face and would sometimes mutter comments loud enough for me to hear them.

I would be very happy to help you in anyway that I can. Please send me your mailing address and I will send you some pamphlets on proper hijaab. One that I have is great to share with non-Muslims.

As for daughters they are required to cover when they reach puberty. I personally think it is better to start getting them used to the head scarf when they are younger and encourage them to look forward in wearing it. I can tell you that my step-daughter, Mashallah, lives in Palestine couldn't wait until she was at the age when it was required for her to wear hijab. She was so excited and proud when she reached that point in her life because she felt she is no longer a little child but a young lady. It was like a major milestone for her :) Everyone congratulated her and made over her (of course she grinned from ear to ear).

Inshallah we can be of help to you. Please feel free to post anytime. There are many wonderful sisters here who are always eager to help others. You can also email me privately as well. That goes for anyone else as well.

Love,N



As Salaamu ALAIKUM

Sister, yes I can InshaAllah assist you in wearing of the face veil called proper hijaab. InshaALlah to assit you in wearing it properly. Also for anyone who wants to know I have some beautiful proper hijaab and Abaya sets and Jilbab as well. InshaALlah sister please let me know exactly what you need to know. As far as your 11 year old yes it is time for her to begin covering to.

The proper age I believe is ten. My daughter is 6 and loves the proper hijaab she does wear it whenever she wants but I never ask her to. If she does choose to though I tell her she must keep it on. So as not to carry more luggage. She does this with no problem. InshaAllah let me know exactly what your questions are. I can explain a way to make it as well I think.

 

Was Salaamu Alaikum

A


Salaam Alaikum,

I find that I have LESS hassles now than when I just wore the plain hijab... before since I am obviously American people felt like they could just stare at my face and say whatever they liked. Now that I cover my face people just assume I am an Arab and they leave me alone...

K


Dear Sister,


Can I add my thoughts on your problem? When I started wearing proper hijaab, I was scared that everyone would think I was a freak - that was in London about six years ago and there were few proper hijaabis to be seen there. To my surprise, I found I was occasionally stared at but I was left alone far more than had been the case when I had just worn hijaab. Like Sister A, I soon started wearing eye veils as well and, like her, felt even more comfortable like that.

What has surprised me has been reactions that I have been getting of late.. About three months ago, I was married to a wonderful man whose only failing is that his business takes me away from home a great deal. We talked things over and he said that, if I wanted to accompany him on his travels I could do so. So, in recent months I have travelled a great deal in the Middle East and in Europe.

At first I was afraid that being fully veiled was going to cause all sorts of troubles. In fact the reverse has been the case. Wearing full veils, I have had far less hassle than ever before; even normally surly immigration officials have hurried off to find a female colleague to speak to me - even entering France where there is a lot of anti-Islamic feeling, and Britain with its harsh immigration laws. I am not stared at half as much as I used to be - after all there's very little to see except black material and that sure is boring - just as it's supposed to be. And, in the last few months I have not been 'propositioned' once; in fact the last time this happened was prior to adopting proper hijaab.

One word of warning though. Some guys find a pretty pair of eyes looking at them over the top of a proper hijaab incredibly sexy. Sorry to sound crude, but that's how it is.. I think a lot of proper hijaabis observe 'hijaab of the eyes' because of this, and more and more of us seem to be adopting eye veils. These aren't as bad as you might think. I always thought I wouldn't be able to see anything with one down over my eyes; but I found I was wrong in this. In fact now I barely notice them, and only raise them away from home when driving the car or trying to read in bad light.

Insha'Allah you will find the transition easier than you thought, Sister. And, if you do have further problems, you have found the right forum here to find the answers.

 

Walaikum salaam

Yours sister in Islam

H